Today’s free write poem is entitled “Jan. 10th | A Rested Mind”, and I wrote it precisely because I am beginning to understand my self-worth and the commensurate value of allowing myself to rest when and how I need to rest.
I experienced extreme burnout a few years back, and this – combined with my winning struggle with mental illness – has led to difficulties feeling secure in my own work ethic and most importantly in my own skin.
This poem is important to me because it exists as a testament and promise to myself: it is okay to feel upset with the state of my society, with the state of my world, and with the current state of my personal affairs. To be frustrated with these things signals a lack of complacency and – beyond the weariness – a desire to see things change.
The question I now must ask myself is, which battle is most necessary to fight? I am so used to seeing worthiness of making moves in every moment that I see, but this is not sustainable, is it?
I now seek to know myself in greater depth: what is it that I am seeking to achieve in my own life, what battles must I fight for myself, and where – now that I am coming to recognize both my freedoms and my responsibilities as an American adult – do I wish to go from here?
I feel that I am at square one again, and this is not necessarily a bad thing, though the idea of starting over again does seem rather exhausting. But high school – even my undergraduate career – was years ago now. I can feel I am on the precipice of a big change in my life now, and I know that change is good.
The only thing causing me anxiety now is realizing, I do not know which direction I am meant to take.
But I have faith in God and I have faith in myself, so I will leave the future for tomorrow and do the best I can today.
~ C. Louise Williams